I’ve been meaning to post pictures of my terrible skin. Then I hesitated for a long time. Like a month actually. I finally got over it and posted it for the world to see. Then I linked it to my Facebook. Gasp! I was wondering for a while why I felt so opposed to sharing the pictures. Then I figured it out! Then I surprised myself. Again. I’ve been doing that a lot lately – figuring out parts of myself I have overlooked before.
The reason I hesitated: Do I really want to be portrayed like that?
See the thing with social media is that we all post our highlights. Everybody’s life seems better on social media, be it Facebook, Instagram, etc etc. We only share what is interesting. We only share the pictures we look good in. Everybody seems to have it going on, if you just look at their public social media. I am super guilty of this. Then TSW hits, and I don’t really have any highlights in my life. My life is kind of depressing. People ask me how I am doing, and I have nothing to say – it’s the same everyday. I wake up after struggling to sleep, I look shitty, I feel shitty, I spend time – rather I pass time, just waiting for this to be over already- doing whatever. I dread going to sleep because: 1. I know I will wake up in an itch fit at least once throughout the “night” (I use night lightly since I’ve been going to sleep anywhere from 4-8am) 2. I dread waking up because I will be oozing and dry all at the same time and I have to face the reality and it sucks.
So if that’s my life, what do I say? What do I post on FB that will make me look good?
It seems that lately I care more about what other people think. There are pros and cons, but in this case, I think it’s more a con. I’ve always prided on being an honest person. Brutally honest. And yet, here I am, wanting to put a positive spin on my life, wanting to seem like my life is more awesome than others. Wanting to invoke jealousy in other humans. That’s not to say I have nothing to be grateful for – I do. And that post will happen soon. But overall, at least on paper, my life is shitty and I don’t want people to know. hmmm. When did I become like this? When did I start wanting to present my life to be better and more exciting compared to others?
Thoughts, thoughts, thoughts.