Four month down – quick update

Oh tsw, you suck.

Back when I still was using topical steroid, I had a random thought. It was the night before a banquet – the type everybody dresses up and look really pretty. My main worry was not what dress I will wear or other silly girly thing. I was worried about my skin. Then the worry projected into the future and I thought, “gee it would suck if on my wedding day my main worry would be my skin”

Well the worry may be painfully spot on. My skin seems to be doing ok, especially when I consider how far I am (not far) in my journey. I sleep really well, and there are good chunks of time -about an hour or so- that I don’t even think about my skin because I’m itch free! When I say I sleep well, I mean usually (~75% of the time) I don’t wake up for about eight to ten hours. It’s amazing! When I do wake up though, I scratch away and I become a bloody mess. Despite the improvements, however, I wonder if I’ll be presentable enough at my wedding. I think the worst thing about tsw is not the pain and itch itself. It’s living in constant fear of the next flare. I live in fear and worry, scared that I will unknowingly eat the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, be at a wrong place and I’ll be a itchy oozing bleeding mess.

So I worry. Currently my face and lower butt is the worst area, so I worry. In the end I know it’s about the commitment and the man I will promise to love, but I can’t help but wish my skin will behave and I will look good on my wedding day. A part of me is considering going on immunosuppressants, but last time I was on it I had the different type of infections on my face, so I’m worried it might make the situation worse. And if I remember correctly, it didn’t help too much anyway.

Pictures will be coming soon. Overall I’m grateful for the progress I am making, but of course, I wish I could be making it faster. I am currently off traditional medicine, as of about a week and half ago, and been eating all the meats. We shall see how that fares with my skin.

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2 thoughts on “Four month down – quick update

  1. So true. The anxiety around eating/sleeping/going out/EVERYTHING is the absolute worst. I have managed it much better than last time but it is still awful. How long until the wedding? x

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