Sex and intimacy with topical steroid withdrawal

Ok humans, it’s going to be rated r to x kind of post so you have been warned.

Second warning. It will mostly likely include explicit details.

Final warning! There’s no turning back now!

Real talk time. Let’s get down to business.

On the forums I’ve noticed discussions about intimacy and sex life while going through Topical Steroid Withdrawal. Relationship is hard without being so unwell and unhot. Sex life can be messy and difficult without the sick and ugly factor. So yes, throw TSW to the mix and it can be a shitstorm. I don’t think anybody has done a post, probably because it is a sensitive subject. I have talked to the husband and he said he wouldn’t mind at all if I did a post. So I decided to create one, since in real life I’m always the one willing to get real and go the (inappropriate) length anyway.

I don’t have any experience sexing in a random hook up so I have nothing to say about that. I would find it impossible to have sex outside of committed relationship during tsw, but if you can do it, you do your thing. But this post will pertain to sexy times within two committed heterosexuals as that’s the only experience I have.

I’ve noticed three main difficulties when it comes to sex during tsw.
1. Lack of sex drive
2. Lack of confidence (which I think is partially linked to #1)
3. Physical discomfort

Unlike many, I don’t have trouble with number 1 so I don’t have much to say about the subject. That said, lack of (or rather mismatched) sex drive seems to be a common enough problem so I’m sure Google can guide you on the right direction. However, I think Problem 2 contributes a lot to Problem 1. I don’t know about you, but for me, it’s really hard to feel like wanting to sex someone when I feel like an ugly monster.

So if your partner is fighting through TSW, and you would like to get laid, pour out the (genuine) compliments. Then again. And again. Do things for/to them to show your appreciation and commitment. Because you know what? In my case, (and probably many going through TSW) it’s hard to perceive that I am attractive with TSW. It’s very hard to feel pretty when you are uncomfortable, scaling/shedding, and oozing/bleeding. Really hard. But if my partner compliments me often enough,  I will begin to believe that he (somehow still) truly finds me attractive, and for the time being, that will be enough.

On the other side, if you are fighting through TSW, and your partner would like to have sex with you, embrace it. Embrace that even though you are in pain and not at your best, you are still sex-able to your partner. Lack of intimacy is bad for relationships, yes. Just as damaging is lack of belief in your sex-ability. When your partner tells you that you are attractive, believe it. Try really, really, really hard to believe it, and take their compliments at face value. Your partner loves you. Your partner desires you. Your partner would like to be intimate with you. Believe it. There’s not many things worse in relationship than thinking your partner only has sex with you out of duty. It’s a shitty shitty feeling. So embrace your sex-ability.

Once you addressed (or attempt to address) the mind, onto actually having sexy time.

The important thing everybody needs to keep in mind is that sex is just a form of expressing love between people who love each other. Meaning, now, more than ever, you need to consider the other person’s needs and wants above your own, because that’s love. Another thing is, intimacy does NOT equal penis-in-vagina (PIV) sex (or whatever genitals you possess). As long as both party feel happy, satisfied (satisfied does not equal having an orgasm, but talk to your partner), and loved,  you are being intimate with each other.

Now that’s out of the way, let’s talk about different sexy things you can do with your partner. As a heterosexual, penis-in-vagina type sex is what most people consider to be “sex.” This version of sex is going to be the hardest to achieve if a partner is going through Topical Steroid Withdrawal because it requires most movement as well as skin on skin contact. During the early months of withdrawal, this may be impossible. However, here are some tips.

  • Recommended positions: any variation of girl on top, and doggie style. You want to minimize skin on skin contact.
  • Room temperature needs to be cool. Hot and heavy will be painful for the partner going through TSW. Don’t do it under the covers, it will only heat you up faster.
    • If you are doing it under the covers because you don’t want to see yourself, turn off the lights. Blanket will create sweat pretty fast and you don’t want sweat. It hurts.
  • Cover up your skin, especially if you are going through oozing phase. Having a thin fabric between you and another skin makes things so. much. more. comfortable. I recommend thin long sleeve shirt and leggings or cotton thigh highs (easy access to genitals, and sexy!) Cotton tights are hard to find though, and I don’t recommend nylon fabrics as it doesn’t breath and traps all the heat and sweat inside.
  • Check in with each other. If your partner is going through TSW, you HAVE to be aware of how your partner is doing, constantly. Take more care to pay attention to if he/she is enjoying themselves or if they are in pain. If you are in pain, SPEAK UP. If the first time you attempt to have sex is miserable for you, you won’t want to do it later. TALK TO YOUR PARTNER.
  • Afterwards, clean all necessary parts with cool water, immediately.
  • If the sheet is wet, change it. If it’s sweaty, change it. Unless you know your skin likes sweaty sheets. Then ignore this part.

If you want to have PIV sex, you really have to be considerate of each other’s feelings. It may be awkward to be checking in about their skin during sex, but there are few things hotter than having a partner who is concerned with your well being over their desires. Remember, your goal is to convey the love you have for them, not hit it and boot it.

Easier route of achieving intimacy is anything but PIV sex. Mutual masturbation could be just as hot without worrying about logistics as much since the TSW partner knows exactly which area to avoid. Oral sex is awesome regardless and for TSW sex, it may be even better. Oral sex (both for men and women) have higher pleasure to skin contact ratio than penetrative sex, meaning you can give your partner (lots of) pleasure without getting sweat and bodily fluid everywhere. Highly recommended. I don’t have any experience with sex toys, but theoretically, it would also have higher pleasure to skin contact ratio than PIV sex, so it may work out well as well.

I would like to end with few words to both TSW warriors and their partners.

Partners: If you are being supportive, amazing job. It’s probably such a difficult and possibly lonely job, supporting your ill partner. We thank you. We really do. We appreciate it so, so much, even if we may not say it often enough. Remember that this too will pass. I bet it can get frustrating as well. I don’t blame you for that. However, I do blame you if you cannot communicate them lovingly to your partner. Talk to them and you might get laid more often.

TSW warriors: Ok, real talk time. I know I can get selfish -when you get sick, your number one priority is to get better. However, sometimes you need to put your partner first. If it is a bit uncomfortable, but it will make your partner happy, you gotta suck it up. You can’t use TSW as an excuse to get out of all the things, no matter how valid of an excuse it is. Because TSW is the most valid of excuses – but that’s beside the point. Show your appreciation to your partner. Love on them. If you are open to it, you might find yourself pleasantly surprised. Orgasms definitely makes you feel better and helps you sleep anyway.

If you have any questions, let me know and I’ll try to do my best to answer you! Good luck everybody!

10 thoughts on “Sex and intimacy with topical steroid withdrawal

  1. Oh, WOW, you are so precious! *squeezes you* This is very wonderful and encouraging for many folks that are going through what you’re going through. I just adore you, and am so happy that you are deciding and determined to make the best of things. *squeezes you s’more* ♥

  2. Pingback: 10 Tips to improve your sleep (TSW-related) - Say No To Topical Steroids - Curing "Eczema"

  3. Pingback: Sex and Intimacy during Topical Steroid Withdrawal - No More Steroids

  4. I actually wanted sex while going through TSW. But I missed my nice soft skin. However I found sex to be a distraction. We didn’t have sex during the worst of it but when it was easing up we did. I needed to feel some intimacy and another body. I was also worried it would irritate my skin worse but it didn’t, I kept a Tshirt on and told my husband to keep it dark and not to touch my legs as they were the worst.

  5. I had hives and topical steroid rash all at once so there was no way I could have sex. i was almost going insane for 3 months and working like this as well. Once the rash eased up a bit, I felt sorry for my partner and we had sex. It was okay, I managed to do it without too much discomfort except itching. He was very understanding and didn’t want to have sex when the rash was at it’s worse. I had no sex drive myself while going through this, had to smoke weed to help me relax and get into the mood. it also helps with the symptoms in case anyone is interested. My husband was so happy when it was over as he said he missed my nice soft skin. However, I never got rid of it on my lip yet and it’s been 8 months. So I do not let him kiss me as anything wet seems to make it get worse. Just wondering if anyone else had it on their lip? Would be interested to know how they got rid of it as mine is hanging on forever. And it’s very annoying.

    • I did not have it on my lips, so I don’t have anything specific I can offer you, I’m sorry. For me, definitely keeping it dry helped, as well as moisturizer withdrawal. How are you doing now? Hopefully your lips feel better!

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